Dentists

Posted January 29th, 2007 by JennyWren


I have a toothache. I guess. Is that the technical term for it nowadays? Seems I'm missing an entire vocabulary, every time I deal with anyone in a medical profession. Words that should be simple are replaced with something that takes three times as long to say. Like telling a woman in labor that her pain is "discomfort." I love words, but I'm sorry, when I'm in pain, I don't have time for extra syllables.

So here I sit, holding the side of my head and rocking back and forth. I've taken ibuprofen, and I've used something meant for canker sores, that has numbed the entire left side of my face, but my jaw still hurts. There's not much left to do, but call…the DENTIST. (*sudden, discordant organ music plays*)

That is, if there is such a thing left. I've been to a dentist twice in the last twenty years (I figured it up, while I was pacing). The first time, I was given "laughing gas", but a bit more than they intended. While the dentist and his assistant were talking about a baseball game, I was going two-dimensional. They apologized profusely, filled the tooth, and sent me home shaking.

More recently, I went in for the same kind of pain I'm having now, only after several days. Boy, have things changed. Technology-wise, it's great. They take x-rays, and can show them to you immediately on a laptop computer. But what has happened to the good, old-fashioned office visit? A cleaning, maybe a tooth filled or pulled, that nagging reminder to floss?

This dentist came in and sat down behind me, where I couldn't see her. She proceeded to tell me about the "Plan" we were going to set up. Ladies and gentlemen, when you hear the word "Plan" in a dentist's office, you know nothing good is going to come of it. It usually means something like: We will make you an appointment with an "oral surgeon" to have the first tooth "extracted", then you will come back and we will go from there, with a series of visits.

Am I the only one who sees a sale going on here? Yes, I know you are supposed to go to the dentist regularly. But a "plan"? It sounds more like a subscription.

My husband has had the same experience, repeatedly (he keeps forgetting who his dentist is, and calling a new one, LOL) The newer dentists apparently are more like "project managers". They assign other professionals (oral surgeons, orthodontists, cosmetic dentists) to various parts of your mouth, and make the referrals for you. They apparently don't even pull teeth anymore (Oh, sorry, I meant "extract")! You could walk into the office with an emergency appointment, because your cousin Bubba accidentally knocked three of your teeth out while you were playing pool, and the dentist would calmly set up a plan for biweekly visits over the next 18 months.

On the other hand, he has found a few who still "do their own work". My husband can walk in, get a tooth pulled (not have them "start" a root canal that will take three visits to finish), and come home to do the gauze/no straws thing for a day.

I think I'm hoping for that kind of luck. I've been sitting here with the phone book, waiting for human hours (thank you for helping me pass the time!), because I'm going to call a dentist in town, and ask for *shudder* an appointment.

Here's the interesting thing: the dentist I'm going to call first was an obvious choice for me, because, well, his name is William Faulkner! Go figure. :) I sure hope he has an opening. Somehow I don't think I'll mind if he says "extract" when he means "pull", or "abcess" when he means "infection". Hey, it's Faulkner!