Autumn

Took a short walk at Mom and Dad's yesterday, right around sunset. It had rained - a nice, solid, autumn rain - and there was a vivid orange blanket of leaves, lying soft on the ground. The trunks of the trees were black and wet in contrast, lending to the the impression of some calendar photograph: a scene from a Japanese garden, or an illustration alongside a Robert Frost poem.

Definitely inspired some meditation. I stood there, wishing I could carry back the scene, the moment, to my father, who loved to ride down these trails, pointing out blackberries to my mother in the summer, watching for deer in the fall. He would have stopped here, too, I think, and said to my mother, "Well, would you look at that..."

Tearjerkers

I have been watching lots of period romance, can-never-be-together tearjerkers, lately. Why is that? Maybe I'm just hormonal, mooning around wanting romance. Maybe I'm trying to process the things I've been thinking about lately (people, relationships, etc.). Maybe I'm looking for a safe, controlled outlet for tears.

Today I sat in a room with my dying father, watching through the window as my seven-year-old son rolled down a sun-splashed hill in brilliant flashes of white T-shirt and red sweatpants. Life energies and generations; one waxing, the other waning.

I have buried myself in classes and causes, but none are a perfect escape route. Reality continues, with or without my cooperation.

We're caught in the grey, now. Not knowing when, we feel the need to watch and wait, cling to moments. We look back, and look forward. Both make us cry.

Time to Get Seed-Crazy

Took a woodswalk today with the kids; I wrote about it in my seed journal blog, since we were mainly gathering nuts. Come to think of it, I guess what we were really doing was foraging, but seed-gathering is the frame of mind I have been in, so that's where it went.

The trees are loaded with nuts and fruit this year; there was no late freeze like last year, and we had good rains through the spring, to make up for last summer's drought.

I should be busy in my seed blog this fall; it's time to start thinking about winter sowing, and Paul has mentioned the word "greenhouse" more than once this week!!!

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my behaviour in the fall; all I can see are seeds, I'm in full gathering mode, and my thoughts are full of seed orders I need to make. You can try to talk to me about something else, but I'll manage to bring it back around to seeds, in the end. I can't apologize for it, I am hard-wired this way, and enjoy every minute of the insanity.

Lest anyone think I've given up all other tangents - fear not!

Although I did my typical routine with a recent online writing workshop I signed up for (barely met the deadlines at first, gradually stopped submitting any work), I keep moving forward, and have signed up for a beginning painting class with a local artist. I'm really excited about this, have wanted to take one of his classes for years, but there were always schedule issues. This year, we'll already be in town with the kids' soccer practice, so my hubby can just drop me off on the way to their field! Woo hoo!