Thanksgiving Leftovers...

From A Wren's Nest
Posted November 25th, 2006 by JennyWren

Thanksgiving is already a snapshot in the family photo album, even though we’re still sitting at the table, gorging ourselves on the third or fourth piece of pie.

For some reason, at family gatherings like this, I can see my children as what they truly are: a moment that’s here and gone. I watch them, take in their shining faces, their exuberance, their natural ease with joy. (When’s the last time you felt at ease with joy, really at ease? Able to let it wash over you and through you until you gave a yell and a jump, and took off running, laughing, just “because”.)

I can see how they’re growing, what we haven’t done that I thought we would. I can love them without anxiety here; we’re separated from real time now, suspended in that glow of a holiday at Grandma’s. None of the day-to-day guilt, pressure, worries or disappointments can penetrate that temporary armor to touch any of us.

Sitting at the grown-up’s table, I hear the usual chatting about nothing, everything’s nothing. And yet time is flying past us so quickly, and we through it, that I wonder we don’t wear seat belts, and clutch onto things, for fear of being blown away or thrown from the vehicle. This may be the last time we see each other. But we talk about after-Thanksgiving sales and football games, and play a game of Uno.

Sharing the here-and-now is sharing connection, I know. It just seems so unreal. I check occasionally, but the plaid tablecloth and the fork in my hand seem solid. The iced tea in my glass still reflects light in the same way, as the ice cubes swirl lazily around. We’re here. It’s real. I look up again, and watch my cousins’ faces moving, talking. I can hear my children shouting, outside on the swingset; it’s a gorgeous, sunny day, and the windows are open. People’s voices are humming around me…in fact, everything becomes a hum as I start to contemplate Iconoclast’s clock.

It’s ticking. What am I doing? What am I being? Okay, fair enough, I’m “doing” a family gathering, I’m being human. But beyond that…
should I be thinking beyond that? Is the big picture more important than any given moment? The actions of a moment determining the bigger outcome, while our perception of the big picture drives our actions of the moment… blah, blah, blah. My stomach’s too full for the inevitable spiral of thoughts like this, which normally require lots of chewing. Darn you, Icon.